Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
