I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
