Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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