somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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