just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
