I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
