I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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