I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
