I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
