Having a random hookup so left but love u
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
