everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
