I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
