whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
