I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
