i already hear my dad disowning me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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