How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Mom said you looked used
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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