I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
