I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
