6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
