Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
