ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
