so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
