Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
