John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I will pee on everything he values.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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