his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
