Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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