This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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