i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
