I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just high enough for therapy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
