There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize