Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
