i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
