I just gift wrapped bread.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
