HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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