y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
