i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
