He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
