yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
