his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
