I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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