Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
