turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.