Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize