Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.