i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize