ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
