the condom got lost in my hair
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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