Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
