i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
