Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
