he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
