I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
