i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
