the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
