were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
