Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
