Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
