Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The air was thick with penises
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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