Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize