I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
