i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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