The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
