3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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