just tell him i said nine months
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
