a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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