I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
